HAVE YOU BEEN SENT HERE BY HEDGIE AND PENELOPE? If so... WELCOME! Hedgie and Penelope are off on an adventure through England with their knowledgeable British tour guide Fuzzy. Thanks to their determined friends back in the US, they have handfuls of small flyers to leave behind with any new friends they may meet. Read on to see how Corrs, Weylan and Wayne managed to create the picture above and order 100 copies from a print shop in Colchester. Chapter 1 - PACK EVERYTHING, FORGET SOMETHINGPENELOPE FOGBRIDGE had never left the country. This would also be the longest vacation she'd ever had. The pairing of these realizations left her rummaging through supplies and stacking an unusually large pile of items next to a red backpack. A pencil; notebook; party blanket; picnic blanket; two towels; a scarf; a raincoat; a hat; two sleeping bags. She was packing for herself and also her traveling companion and best friend, Hedgie Wilkinson. They would be leaving for England in just two days. A few hours after Penelope's supply-gathering had begun, Hedgie returned from his late morning tea with his cousin, Fuzzy, a small British hedgehog. Fuzzy would be accompanying them on their trip as well, being from the UK himself (Lymington By The Sea to be exact). Hedgie had been to England before and had benefited from his cousin's immense knowledge of the country and where to find all the best local nooks and crannies in little towns - he wanted Penelope to have the same information at her dispersal, so he convinced Fuzzy to re-visit his homeland. Fuzzy had eagerly accepted the role of tour guide. Hedgie wondered if Penelope had packed their belongings while he was gone. He got his answer as he entered into the living room where Penelope sat on her rocking chair, looking rather pleased with herself. Next to her was the red backpack, stuffed to the hilt. The tiny zipper looked stressed and desperate, seemingly poised to burst at the first hard landing or reckless yank. "Penelope!" Hedgie exclaimed. "What on earth do you have in that backpack?" Penelope proudly slipped out of the rocking chair and began rattling off the list of provisions. When she finished, Hedgie cautiously walked up to the pack as if it would explode at any minute. "We'll have to revise the contents. This is too much; you'll need room for souvenirs and snacks and such. Plus we'll be doing a lot of walking. Let's sort this out." Hedgie pushed down on the backpack with all his might to relieve the pressure inside while Penelope carefully pulled the zipper back. Relieved, the backpack instantaneously spilled out the top layer of goods at their feet. Together they emptied the entire contents onto the living room floor and sorted them into piles: Necessary, Might Need, and Don't Need... the last of which became the largest pile by far. When they were finished scrutinizing each item, they were left with only one sleeping bag, a raincoat, a picnic blanket, and a scarf. All these things they could share, because that's what best friends do. TWO DAYS LATER the three of them sat comfortably on a plane bound for London. They were enjoying some flight snacks when Hedgie started choking on his biscuit. Leaping out of her seat, Penelope jumped onto the armrest and gave him a mighty whack on the back. A piece of a McVitie's shot out and ricocheted off the seat in front of him, landing in Fuzzy's tea. "What!" yelled Fuzzy, staring at the sinking biscuit shard and then at Hedgie. "Are you okay?" he quickly added. Satisfied that all choking hazards had been removed from her friend's airway, Penelope sat back down in her seat as if nothing major had happened and helped herself to a biscuit from the half-empty sleeve on Hedgie's tray. Hedgie cleared his throat and turned to his traveling companions with a look of concern. "I've just realized," he said slowly, "that we've forgotten our calling cards." Penelope stopped mid-chew and gave a little cough, sending a puff of crumb cloud into the air. "Are you saying we have no way to let anyone know how to find us?" she asked. "Yes." She swallowed her biscuit and paused. Hedgie and Fuzzy looked at each other, then at the small possum sitting between them. Would she spontaneously combust? Any outburst of seedling energy, flammable or not, would surely cause a catastrophe on the plane and possibly create an emergency landing, significantly delaying their flight at the least and at worst, leaving them stranded on a desert island. Imagine that, Fuzzy pondered. Deported before we've even arrived at our destination. Thankfully, Penelope did no such thing. Grasping the gravity of the situation, her mind began formulating a plan of action. The plane would be landing in only a few hours. She would have to work quickly. Tapping into her minds catalog of previous situations in which means of atypical communications were necessary, Penelope decided that given the plane's lofty elevation she would be capable of clearly transmitting a message to Corrs using her inner seedling telepathy... even if they were not in the same country. She had recently performed such a relay of information from a vista in Bald Eagle State Forest with satisfactory results. She closed her eyes and concentrated. BACK IN PENNSYLVANIA, a ragged, grey and white dog was awoken by a soft beeping in his ear. Corrs grudgingly opened his eyes and sat up, squinting at the clock on the coffee maker. 2:15am. Still in snooze state, he patiently listened to Penelope's message. When the transmission had finished, he sighed and looked over at his motionless roommates, Weylan and Wayne, fast asleep on the couch. He declined to rouse them. Besides, it was too early for them to begin helping... England was still just waking up. Flipping the switch to "ACTIVATE" on the coffee maker, Corrs shook off his slumber and fired up his computer, opening up a poster design program. There was a need for printed flyers... lots of them. Chapter 2 - CORRS TO THE RESCUETHE NEXT THREE HOURS held quite a contrast of activity on the ground and in the sky, across two different continents. Up in the air, Penelope had announced to Hedgie and Fuzzy that she had telepathically sent a message to Corrs explaining their dilemma. She was convinced that this was the only message she'd need to send and would simply sit back and wait to hear from Corrs. With confidence held high, she suggested that they simply move along with their itinerary as planned until she received an update. So they did, exiting the plane without incident and hailing a cab to Colchester, a city in Essex about 90 minutes northeast of London. With the looming cloud of worry nearly disapated, they were back in good spirits. ON THE GROUND 3,500 MILES AWAY, Corrs could see the sun coming up over the laptop screen as he put the finishing touches on a simple yet tastefully eye-catching document. He'd been plugging away at it ever since receiving Penelope's message, hoping to have it finished by the time Weylan and Wayne were awake. Once they were up and briefed on their mission, he could catch up on the handful of hours missing from his night's rest. Performing an urgent, last-minute graphic design project from a dead sleep had been quite an exhausting job. He also knew that it had to be perfect - there would be no time to waste in getting the file over to a print shop come morning, and he wasn't waking back up to fix any mistakes. Corrs had done a swift and thorough job of it and Penelope would owe him a favor for sure. He looked up at his goggles hanging from a hook alongside his riding jacket, dusty from the previous weekend's single-track excursion through the woods. "Those could use a cleaning," he mused, making a mental note of it. He started to wonder how long it would take Penelope to polish an entire dirt bike then thought better of it as he imagined the hazards which chains and sprockets could pose to a seedling possum as tiny as Penelope. A good cleaning of the goggles would suffice. Shuffling could be heard from across the room. Wayne stretched an arm with a yawn, extended two huge claws just inches above Weylans still head, still buried in a pillow. The giant anteater sat up and acknowledged Corrs, who gave him a glance and a nod as he clicked away the final steps of his duties. Click. "Save as". Click. "Penelope files". Click. "England Card 2023". "You're up early," Wayne observed. Seeing Corrs at work on the laptop was no unusual sight, except for the fact that it was 6:03am. Corrs turned with a smile, swapping his computer chair seat for a cushy recliner across from Wayne. "Yes, I am. Sure am glad you're up now. Penelope called. At 2am. They forgot their information cards and have nothing to pass along to new friends that they meet on their trip. I just finished making a simple flyer; it's saved in her folder under England Card 2023. You and Weylan need to figure out how to get 100 copies printed in Colchester for pick up tomorrow. When you've got it all sorted, let me know and I'll send a message to Penelope." Corrs doled out the requirements as casually as if he were giving instruction on how to toast a frozen waffle. He sank a little deeper into the recliner and accepted the likelihood that he probably wouldn't fall back asleep at this hour, but a short spell of indulging in the art of doing nothing would give his mind a refresh. While Wayne took a moment to process the information that Corrs had fired off, Weylan, upon hearing his name mentioned, was no longer a hedgehog-shaped mountain of blankets with a small foot sticking out the top like a summit flag, but awake and curious about the early morning meeting taking place. "What's all the chatting about at this hour?" he inquired. It's was Wayne's turn to drop the bombshell. "You need to call England and organize a custom order for some flyers," he stated. Weylan emerged further from the blanket peaks and sat up a little straighter. "Wait, what?" "Yep, our friends forgot their calling cards. How they could forget such an important thing is beyond me, but Penelope called the favor in with Corrs. He's made the document, now I just have to locate a shop over there that can get them printed... then you need to call the shop and place the order. They need to be picked up tomorrow. England is already 5 hours ahead of us." Weylan dramatically flopped backwards into the blankets. "I hope there's a surprise menu to go with this surprise morning," he remarked half-earnestly. IN COLCHESTER, it was practically lunchtime. The plane departure, luggage collection, cab hailing and drive had taken up a significant portion of the morning and left no time for repast of any kind. All three travelers were famished, and Fuzzy did not disappoint in advising a proper location to quell their grumbling tummies. Upon arrival into town, they checked into a quaint and quirky little inn, then straight off to The Weather Spoon pub. Situated in an old theater, there was plenty of room for the trio to pile in and order a whole mess of food. Small beans on toast, cheesecake, fish and chips, porridge, warm cookie sandwiches. It was heavenly. Penelope ordered an iced latte for dessert and wondered what their flyers would look like. Chapter 3 - A SURPRISE MENUAS SUSPECTED, CORRS DID NOT fall back asleep. Both Weylan and Wayne had taken the news of their mission good naturedly and without question, which prompted Corrs to go and pick up breakfast since no one had time to cook that morning. He drove over to Richard's Corner, a popular cafe off the beaten path and less than 20 minutes away. The usual handful of vehicles spilled across the front parking lot as well as a few bicycles and even a skateboard. Walking in, he spied who he was looking for. A short hedgehog with spiky hair stood behind the espresso machine, mug in each hand. Corrs waited until he'd filled both and made separate additions to each one before interrupting his concentration. "Good morning Guy," Corrs greeted him with a smile. "Good morning!" Guy Little cheerily shot back. "I'll be right back with you in a second... let me take these drinks down to Douglas and Frank." Corrs took a seat at the counter while Guy ferried the drinks off to a possum and a rabbit sitting at a window booth on the other side of the cafe. He returned in a few moments, giving Corrs his full attention. "What can I get you this morning?" Although he was a frequent customer of Richard's Corner, Corrs tended not to order anything over habitually. Sometimes he would order something that he'd never had before. This morning would prove no different. "Surprise me," he responded. "Surprise you?" Guy repeated laughingly. "Can we narrow it down a tick - food or drink?" Corrs explained how the morning had panned out so far and brought Guy up to speed on their print shop rescue mission for Hedgie, Fuzzy, and Penelope. "So," he finished, bringing his story full circle, "Weylan mentioned a surprise menu to go with the surprise morning and I thought, that's a great idea. My brain's too spent from waking up at 2am and jumping into design work to even know what to order anyhow. I'll take whatever you recommend for three hungry masterminds who know how to make things happen." Guy left Corrs at the counter with a cafe Americano and two mini apple cinnamon muffins to hold him over while he waited for his mystery order. Fifteen minutes later, he emerged from the kitchen with 3 boxes stacked and tied neatly one on top of the other. He set them down in front of Corrs and pointed to each one, from bottom to top. "Puff pastry omelette roll-ups with smoked sweet potato strips, Belgian waffles with sides of cinnamon apple whipped cream and ginger-maple syrup, strawberry cheesecake mini muffins. That should buy you enough time to get things squared away with England before anyone gets hungry again." Corrs peeked into the smallest box on top and eyed up the strawberry cheesecake mini muffins with a sly look. "Sure would be a shame if I were to trip walking out to the parking lot and one or two of these rolled out... I'd be obligated to eat them under the 5 second rule." Guy shook his head and warned, "Wayne and Weylan know better than to think I'd send anything other than a full box." With a grin, Corrs thanked Guy Little for the feast and carefully strode across the parking lot with the boxes, loading the miniature buffet with great care into the dusty old Jeep. He resisted the urge to sample a muffin and headed toward to his hungry companions. WHILE CORRS WAS OUT fetching breakfast, Wayne and Weylan were brainstorming their plan of attack to get the flyers ordered as smoothly as possibly. Growing up in a supermarket, Wayne had developed a sharp sense of organization and a real knack for locating a singular object in a sea of many. This made him the obvious candidate for pin-pointing a print shop. First he'd have to find Colchester on a map, then find a list of print shops and finally, narrow it down to the one that seemed the most fitting and jot down the phone number for Weylan. Weylan would be the best suited to place the order, as he was a natural at phone conversations with strangers from various countries due to his tendancy to answer spam calls and strike up a conversation with the unsuspecting caller. Ringing up a print shop in another country and asking for a bundle of flyers to be made for next day pick up would practically seem like a bogus phone call in itself. They knew what they had to do, now all they needed was breakfast. Suddenly they heard a repeating thud against the front door and scrambled up at once. That sound could only mean one thing - that Corrs had returned with his hands too full to properly knock. LOTS of breakfast! Wayne grabbed the door handle with his mighty claws and pulled it open, revealing a dog partially hidden by boxes of edible bliss. The sweet and savory aromas emanating from the doorway was like an adrenaline shot to the senses. "Surprise!" Corrs shouted. "Now grab a box." Wayne quickly snatched up the top two boxes and set them in the kitchen while Corrs followed behind with the third. Each of them opened a lid. For a moment, they stared quietly in awe as if they were witnessing a small miracle. Weylan broke the silence. "After I eat this breakfast, I can do anything. I'll call the moon if I need to!" Digging into the culinary medley, they all agreed that Guy had outdone himself on the menu selections. With full bellies and high ambitions, it was now time to put their heads down and get to work. Except for Corrs, who promptly fell asleep on the couch after his third strawberry cheesecake muffin. Chapter 4 - AN ORDER OF 100 FLYERS FOR PENELOPE FOGBRIDGEHe scribbled a phone number down on a piece of paper and handed it off to Weylan. "Here, it looks like we can upload this file right to their website!" Wayne clicked a few buttons and watched the little upload status bar until it showed "Complete". Then he selected the quantity and paid for it. "It's done! They should have it now. Call it in," he instructed to Weylan. Weylan dialed 15 digits on the phone and in a few moments there was a friendly voice on the other end of the line.
"Well that was easy," Weylan said as he hung up the phone. "Now we just have to get Corrs to message Penelope and let her know." Corrs was still asleep on the couch, but not for long. Wayne walked over and nonchalantly rolled him off the cushions. Opening his eyes, Corrs stared up at the anteater. "Did you order them?" he asked from the floor. "Yes. 100 copies. Tell Penelope she must pick them up tomorrow between 11:30am and 5:30pm at this location." He handed a piece of paper to Corrs with an address on it. FIVE HOURS AHEAD in Colchester, it was just about lunchtime and Fuzzy was leading Hedgie and Penelope on a walking tour of the city. They stopped at Colchester Castle and had a picnic in the park. They visited the Humpty Dumpty wall and sat on it. The weather was beautiful and so was the town. Penelope was still situated on the wall when suddenly what seemed to be an imaginary blast of wind sent her tumbling off. "Penelope!" Hedgie and Fuzzy both shouted. "Are you okay?" They rushed over to find her comfortably wedged in some soft shrubbery. She appeared neither hurt nor in any hurry to move from her new location. "Yes, hold on... I'm getting a message from Corrs... he said our information cards are being printed tomorrow...Blue Pie Printing...pickup 11:30 - 5:30." Hedgie's eyes lit up. "Do they print documents and also sell pies?" Fuzzy did not think that was the case, but he said there was likely a pie shop in the vicinity. Satisfied that they would be able to collect their print order and perhaps a pie, they continued their walking tour and enjoyed a full day of sightseeing. Arriving back at the inn later that evening, it did not take very long for everyone to fall fast asleep. Hedgie dreamt of blueberry pies. THE MORNING WENT QUICKLY for Penelope and her companions. After a seeking out a solid breakfast of porridge and fruit-topped scones at a cafe around the corner, they began walking back to the inn to inquire about the location of Blue Pie Printing. They were in no great hurry since they did not need to pick up their order until 11:30, and casually poked in and out of a few shops on their return trip. Fuzzy found a boutique that sold specialty cooking utensils and bought a micro whisk. Hedgie marveled at an outdoor flower market, admiring the variety of blooms and cultivars but knowing they could not take plants home with them on the airplane. They tootled along until eventually they found themselves back at the quaint and quirky inn with the blue door. Penelope walked up to the front desk where the innkeeper sat casually browsing a magazine. A green lovebird with a peach-colored face perched on her shoulder. "Excuse me, can you tell us how to get to Blue Pie Printing?" "Blue Pie Printing?" the innkeeper responded curiously. The bird cocked its head as if it, too, were unfamiliar with the business. "Yes, Blue Pie Printing", Penelope confirmed. We need to pick up some flyers today." "I've never heard of it, but let me look it up on the directory." The innkeeper went to the small computer on the desk and typed in the name of the print shop. She frowned and turned to Penelope to her friends. "I'm afraid you must hurry if you're to pick them up today. You'll need to catch a bus, the 371 I believe. The shop is in Chelmsford. That's about 30 miles from here. "WHAT!" Penelope exclaimed loudly. The bird ruffled its feathers and eyed her crossly. Penelope lowered her voice and asked, "Are you sure?" Fuzzy and Hedgie exchanged concerned looks. Had Penelope's message to Corrs become jumbled in the transmission across the ocean? Chelmsford did not sound so terribly different than Colchester. Did he think they were staying in a different town? The innkeeper looked again at the screen before her and suddenly smiled. "Ah!" she said, relieved. "They have two locations. There is indeed a shop here in Colchester, yes. Let me draw you a map, they are not far away at all. Right up on Sir Issac's Walkway." She scribbled some lines and notes on a piece of stationary and handed it to Penelope. "Head north then make a right at the roundabout, it's down this little alley." Sensing that it would be in poor taste to muddle the directions with an additional stop, Hedgie restrained himself from asking if there might be any pie shops in the vicinity. THE DIRECTIONS LANDED THEM in a cobblestone alley as they headed toward a pie-shaped sign hanging over a bright yellow door. Upon reaching their destination, Hedgie stared longingly up at the little blueberry slice that read "Blue Pie Printing". Fuzzy opened the door and the trio walked into the front room of the store. A warm face greeted them as they entered. Penelope stepped forward and was immediately acknowledged by the gentleman behind the desk. "Hello!" he addressed her with a smile. "You must be Penelope Fogbridge." "Yes, I am here to pick up an order." The shop owner reached under the counter and pulled out a package with her name written on it. "100 A6 size flyers," he confirmed. "That's the one! Oh, I can't wait to see what they look like," she said with anticipation. Pulling the strip of tape off the top of the box, she reached in and pulled out a little flyer, setting it on the table for Hedgie and Fuzzy to see. "Hey!" Fuzzy protested. "I've got a bone to pick with that dog back home! What's this bit with no photo of Fuzzy but a photo of Corrs? He's not on this trip!" Indeed, the flyer displayed all the correct information, along with a photo of Hedgie and Penelope... and Corrs, clad in a cold weather riding suit. They all chuckled, knowing that Corrs had likely decided that he needed a little recognition for his effort. The flyer looked wonderful and their friends back home had seemed to have pulled it off without a hitch. They could now be sure that they could give new friends and acquaintances a way to keep in touch with their adventures long after they'd left England. Penelope placed the flyer back in the box with the other 99 and thanked the shop owner. They were just turning to leave when Hedgie spied a hallway that appeared to lead to the other side of the building. There were posters of various pies and pastries lining the walls of the hallway. "Excuse me," he inquired, "where does that hallway lead?" The shop owner smiled and looked as if he'd heard this question many times before. "Why, to pie! Where else? This is Blue Pie Printing." "To PIE?" Hedgie squeaked out in disbelief. "Yes, the other half of the building is a bakery...we make only pastries and pies, fresh every day." Hedgie was already halfway down the hallway. Shortly afterward, Hedgie, Fuzzy and Penelope sat in a sunny field enjoying a freshly baked pie and a scenic view. Penelope sent a message to Corrs, including a group photo. "Flyers and pie successfully collected. Mission accomplished. Over and out." They continued on their journey fully prepared to share their adventures with the world thanks to the marvelous help from their friends back home. It was a perfect execution of teamwork by all. CORRS kept his radar tuned in for any future international requests of great urgency... Sometimes all you need is somebody who can make the impossible possible, and do it as simply as one would toast a frozen waffle. The End
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Tales of Douglas Furr (and his friends)narrated by Crissy Clossin Archives
February 2024
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